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Choke the Pope
Record Review

Choke the Pope – Who Cares

Even more new music to choke the pope to!

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Choke the Pope

Who Cares

August 4, 2018
Den Tapes

Who Cares, the third full length from Seattle living legends Choke the Pope, will be released on Saturday, August 4th in all of its 12-song glory. Okay, so I don’t think the band can quite be considered legends yet, but they are in my mind so just go with it. Everything about this album is fan-fucking-tastic. From the amazing album artwork (please turn this into a shirt) to the catchy riffs to the witty lyrics. From sea to shining sea, from opener to closer, et cetera. I promise I’m not being paid for this review.

This banger starts out with “Shit Luck,” which we at Bad Copy were lucky enough to premiere a little while ago.  If you haven’t been listening to it on repeat since then, I can honestly say that you haven’t been living your best life.  With heavy bass lines, lyrics that punch you in the gut, and a chorus that makes you want to dance, it’s a fantastic way to kick things off. “Splinters” comes next with a beachy surf vibe. “When I knock on wood, the splinters add up just the same.” Fuck, was that a Gandhi quote? (Edit: It’s not; I googled it.) “I’ll break your heart and stab your back, because I know how to multitask like that.” COME ONNN. It’s just too good.

“Fuck You” and “Fuck Me” are the next two to follow, which I’m pretty sure is an Austin Powers joke. However, the lyrics don’t suggest that Mike Myers had any influence on this album. But, I could totally be wrong. I kind of hope that I’m wrong. “Depression And Cigarettes” is the best punkified jazz hall/elevator music combination I’ve heard. To be fair, I don’t think I’ve ever heard that combination before though. This song really showcases vocalist Nick’s abilities as a singer. One of my favorite things in a band is having a vocalist who’s got some pipes with range as well as the ability to just yell out whatever they want. This whole album showcases that.

“Someone Else” is a somber tale about struggling to stay sober. Although its lyrics point towards addiction, it could easily be about depression, making this a very relatable song no matter what your struggle or vice is. “Milam High” taught me that rehab is pretty much just high school. “I’ve never met so many sober jerkoffs” reminds me of the last time I went to straight edge show. Who am I kidding? I’ve never been to one of those. I’m not quite sure if “Barks and Bites” is a well-done metaphor or about a puppy play kink yet. “Life’s Amazing” conjures up images of a music video shot by a handheld low-res video camera showing the band frolicking around Seattle for whatever reason. That might just be me, but give it a try. “Must Be Nice” makes me laugh but also feel personally attacked with the opening line of “When I see somebody Snapchatting at a show, it makes me go, ‘oh no, what an asshole’/Just live your fucking life.” I have 100% Snapchatted Choke the Pope playing before. And you know what? It was nice.

“Bad News” has a sprinkle of Weezer thrown in, and “Snowflake” rounds out the album on a high note. Go ahead and try not to bob your head while listening to this song. Try it. I’ll wait…

 

If you actually made it through without so much as a single head bob, congratulations! You’re a robot. Anyway, I don’t always make a comment about every single song, but this album fucking deserved it.

I give this album 10 out of 10 eggplant emojis.

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