Kyle Janis 
Dress shirts. Slacks. Stamp collections. The suburbs. Gardening. LaCroix. These are the calling cards of America’s Baddest Band®, Chicago’s own Bad Mechanics. No strangers to shtick, members Andy Slania (The Eradicator, ex-Galactic Cannibal) and Ryan Durkin (ex-HeWhoCorrupts, ex-KungFu Rick) take aim at ‘adult life’ in hypnotizing, rapid fire with their debut LP Precious Moments in the USA on Stonewalled Records.
Released this past September at the Soothsayer Pop Punk Pizza Party, it was incredible to watch the faces of those in attendance shift from “what the fuck?” to “alright…” to “fuck yeah!” throughout the course of their set. Taking cues from bands like Devo and Atom and His Package, the duo slices and samples their way through tongue-in-cheek material, leaving listeners to catch up and get the joke.
After many many spins of the album, I’ve compiled a track by track listing of dad activities (dadtivities?) to pair with each song on Precious Moments.
Track 1 – “You Drink LaCroix”: Shamefully drink LaCroix out of a red solo cup at parties. Tell everyone it’s a cocktail you pre-made and no they can’t try it.
Track 2 – “Social Obligation”: Play at a moderate volume while at home alone, using your Stouffers mac & cheese container to hold the page on your John Grisham book while you text your friends saying you’re just not feeling up to it tonight.
Track 3 – “Vote Jaffray”: Grassroots campaigning at the farmers market.
Track 4 – “Must Be the City”: Research property taxes. Plan your move to the suburbs.
Track 5 – “Daddy’s Pasture”: Garden, sexually.
Track 6 – “USA Foods”: Travel abroad. Eat every meal at a Hard Rock Café.
Track 7 – “Pink Foliage”: Go camping, sexually.
Track 8 – “DiCaprio Hit a Baby”: Finish the first VHS tape of Titanic, then switch to the second. Get mad that you forgot to rewind the second tape the last time you watched it.
Track 9 – “Women at the Arcade”: Spend all day trying to find an the last remaining mall arcade.
Track 10 – “Zine Festival”: Look for love via independent writing. Glue stick shut the hole in your heart.
Track 11 – “Morning in America”: Wake up, take a big sip of coffee, and metaphorically pop pimples.
Get your copy of Precious Moments in the USA through the Stonewalled bandcamp or this Friday, February 23rd at Quenchers Saloon in Chicago when they open for Fest favorites Horrible Things, Day Jobs, and Bike Tuff! Don’t fret, West Coasters, they’ll be traveling around California the weekend of March 9th as well!
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